Chap chap chap that gum

    One time, a friend of mine and I chewed gum all day at the mall and got back in the car and our jaws locked at the same moment. Funny! We looked at each other and went mmm, mmm in utter pain and misery.

    Now the good gray heads at Emory have determined that kids who chew gum may be smarter.

    Oh, look, the study was sponsored by the Wrigley Institute. Oh, well, proceeding on that basis, they divided 108 eighth graders into a Houston charter school into chewers and nonchewers. The chewers chewed during homework and test taking. Sure enough, the chewers upped their scores 3%.

    Three percent could be merit pay for some teachers, so are they sure they want to ban gum in schools? The gum chewers also needed fewer breaks, paid attention better and were quieter (except, presumably, for the masticating pops).

    Another study showed that gum chewing cut the cravings for snacks.

    They just want to sell more gum, grumped one nutritionist (I know her).

    Even some dude at Mayo said chewing burned some calories. Eleven per hour. Of course, if you chew sugarless (sorbitol, the artificial stuff, supposedly also cuts decay) instead of chewing brownies, you save on calories.

    Especially now, with everyone worrying their brains out, gum could have some function.

    Just get ready for that uh-oh moment when your jaws freeze.

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